did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
