oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
