hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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