meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your tits are I can't wait for
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
