So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
