I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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