The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize