she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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