He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
