I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
