i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
