The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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