Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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