I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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