Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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