If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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