After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
