are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
