idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my poor anus
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
