My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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