I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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