thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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