some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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