You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
