She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
