I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
