Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
