So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
