Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
