I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
