Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
