I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
