I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
