Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
