I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
