my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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