she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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