I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
