Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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