So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
