Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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