At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
