Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
