Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
