Screwed.edu
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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