I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
