And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
