he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
