he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
