I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think people are normalizing furries
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
