Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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