At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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