kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
