Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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