just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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