I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
