So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
