I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
