you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's never too late to be topless.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
