handjob tips. give me some.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
