I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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