the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
