You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
