I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
