My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a hot homeless man
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
