Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
