well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
