I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
